Date : Sunday, October 11, 2009
Time : 8:14 PM
Title :

Born to suffer, that's what I feel now. My heart feels very heavy when I think about those tests and exams and the many more years to come. Really stress, this bad feeling is smth that I have nv experienced before. Studying should be a very happy process no matter how stressful I am, just like what I did in poly. But, I don feel it that way anymore and that's bad I know. So, I can only tell myself to endure and do my best for now and I am prepared to take that step if I really have to do so. Anyway, I have the dec holidays to think abt what I really want cos everything now is not what I have expected and I am doubting my choice now. As, there is a saying that if U really like something, even if it's difficult, U won't find it stressful and unhappy to study it. But I am not feeling it this way, so the path infront of me seems so blur now.

Physics test on friday, something which I don't like but I realised now I dislike chemistry too..So many things to worry about. Life is so meaningless now or maybe I should say studying life. But no worries, no suicidal thoughts cos whatever it is, I know my family will be supporting my decision and also thanks friends for being my ears. To think back, I actually made 2 shocking decisions last time, 1 during my sec sch days which I know my mum shld be quite sad cos I changed from pure science to combined when I gt my sec2 streaming results which was 7 in level position which was considered to be nt that bad. But hahah, I still think it was a right choice.
Then, when I gt my Os result, poly route was always on my mind cos the dumb me only wanted to go SAJC at that time n if can't then no JC for me. Chemical Eng or Business, well I chose Chemical Eng cos I was wilful as everyone told me Business suits me more so wanted to prove them wrong and I guess my parents were pretty happy abt that decision. And I can say that I didn't regret too. So I wonder if there will be a 3rd time to do crazy decisions anot.

Now, I can't wait for everything to be over when I can really take a good break in dec to recharge and decide. Nobody knows what will happen in the future and I believed everything is planned for us, when is time to go through this stage, U can't hide away from it and just have to go through it. I know this is a very emotional post and I am sure that my mum will get very worried when she reads this tmr but nah mummy I will just endure till this sem ends cos whatever it is, I paid school fees ald, hahah.

Nothing much happened last week except for dinner last fri with my sec sch friends. And I am sorry if I look moodless cos I am tired and also becos of my stomach cramps :( Sushi buffet, I shall stop eating sushi for a few months cos the thought of sushi now makes me wanna puke, hahah. Okie, I noticed I have been whining alot ever since I started sch and I hate it cos life shld be Smiles Aplenty right? But, sadly not the case for me now. But I shall try to find back the optimistic me *Joshua said that I was optimistic back in poly*, well I don't know that I give U guys such impression la, hahah. Anyway, my msn lists looks quite pathetic now, all the guys r in NS now so yep, msn is so quiet these days. I miss those poly days when we crapped alot in msn!

How I wish life can be that simple, sometimes I really envy my mum though I know she has stuffs to worry about too like eh, U eat ald? etc..hahah okie can't wait for this wkend to come cos Deepavali on Monday but again, it will be mugging time. That's why I am so sick of this kind of life now... Ohh yea, I finally took my TP date. 18 Dec, abt 2 more months to go!